How to Overcome Porn Addiction with Journaling

People have been interested in pornography since the beginning of time. If you were to explore the La Magdelaine caves, you’d find sketches of naked women that date back to 15,000 BC. (Kushner, 2019). The cave art was replaced with clay tablets, which early porn enthusiasts used to write sonnets about female anatomy. Then, books became the medium of choice, and Pietro Aretino emerged as the first pornographer, filling pages with sex positions so tawdry that the pope issued a ban. Generations later, cable channels started offering softcore porn, and harder films lined the backroom shelves at video stores.

Each evolution attracted new pornography fans, and some people became addicted. However, because pornography was so hard to get, addiction numbers were low. Imagine trying to sneak out to see cave drawings or gather all the clay tablets you could find. It wouldn’t be easy, so you would be less likely to become addicted. Even pornographic films created low levels of addiction because people were embarrassed to go to the backroom of the video store and browse for movies around others. Those who decided to order the movies at home to avoid the crowds faced another issue due to the high prices. 

Eventually, though, the internet broke down all the barriers and made porn accessible to people in every demographic (Robert Wiess Ph.D., 2020). With those barriers removed, addiction cases are on the rise, with an estimated 5 to 8 percent of adults addicted to pornography (Robert Weiss Ph.D., 2012). Those numbers could be even higher since some people are not willing to self-report the addiction due to shame and embarrassment.

You might feel helpless if you suffer from porn addiction, but you can overcome it with the help of journaling. Let’s take a closer look at porn addiction and then go over ways you can overcome it.

Understanding Porn Addiction

Since porn addiction is still a relatively new concept, more research needs to be done. Thus far, experts believe that porn might cause an “arousal addiction” similar to video game addiction (Duncan, 2012). An arousal addiction is quite different from an addiction to drugs, alcohol, or gambling. With those addictions, people need the same drinks, drugs, or games to get the buzz they seek. For example, if someone is addicted to heroin, he or she will seek out heroin to get the right buzz. Using cocaine wouldn’t satisfy the addiction since it’s a different substance.

Arousal addictions aren’t satisfied with the same experiences. Instead, people with arousal addictions need novel experiences to get the buzz. That’s why these addictions can be so progressive. Someone might start watching softcore porn and soon move on to hardcore porn. Then, the person could branch out to even more extreme types of porn, such as rape fantasies. 

Escalating to a more extreme type of porn is just one issue. Porn addiction can also rewire the brain. Over time, your brain will demand new and constant stimulation, and if you cannot deliver, you might become anxious and depressed. 

The need for constant stimulation also makes it difficult to succeed in everyday life. School and work involve long-term goal setting and delayed gratification, making it difficult for people with arousal addictions to excel. Then, of course, authentic relationships build slowly over time. If you require instant gratification, you will have trouble hanging in while you develop a relationship. 

Signs of Porn Addiction 

Lots of people like porn, but only some have an addiction. If you’re unsure if your porn use has turned into an addiction, look for some signs (Smith, 2018).

First, being unable to stop is a clear sign of porn addiction. If you want to stop but you’re having trouble, porn is taking over your life. It’s hijacked your brain, causing you to think that you need it at all times. When you do try to stop, you might feel anxious and depressed.

Wanting more is another clear sign of porn addiction. You can expect cravings. For instance, you might be sitting at your desk at work, only to end up overcome with the desire to watch porn. This can make you distracted. You might notice that spending time with friends and family isn’t much fun since you are focused on getting the next fix.  

Lost time is another indication of porn addiction. You might have trouble figuring out where the hours have gone because you’re dedicating so much time to watching porn. As that happens, you will also have trouble meeting your obligations. You might miss work or school, fail to do projects, and more. Even tasks like mowing the lawn might go undone when you’re dealing with an addiction. 

This might be surprising, but as your addiction progresses, you might lose interest in sex. If you have a romantic partner, you might find yourself uninterested in having sex. Even if your partner tries to initiate intercourse, you could turn him or her down.

That doesn’t mean that you won’t ever have sex, but you might become more demanding when the time comes. You won’t expect to have normal sex thanks to the porn you’ve been watching. You think of sex in terms of what you see when watching porn, and that might cause you to put extreme demands on your partner. If he or she cannot come through, you might even become angry.

Even if you have sex with your partner, don’t be surprised if you’ve lost some of the attraction you used to feel. Sexual prowess isn’t the only thing you expected after watching porn. You also have an idealized vision of what people should look like. If your partner doesn’t fit the vision, you might be disappointed. That, of course, can impact your partner’s self-esteem. 

These are just some of the signs that you have a porn addiction. As with any addiction, the most important sign is simple. If something is negatively impacting your life, it’s likely an addiction. Even if you aren’t addicted in the traditional sense, it’s still something that you need to overcome. Otherwise, it will continue to get worse. 

Take a closer look at the negative aspects of porn addiction, so you can see why it’s important to overcome it.  

Negative Aspects of Pornography Addiction

If you are struggling with an addiction, you never know when the bottom might drop out. Like other addictions, porn addiction has serious consequences. Even with the consequences, you continue to engage in the behavior because it’s hijacked your reward center. You think you need porn to be happy, but every time you indulge, you feel worse. Let’s look at some of the negative consequences you face. 

Increased Risk of Divorce 

The words “until death do us part” aren’t nearly as binding as they were in the past. Divorce rates have skyrocketed in the United States. An estimated 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce (American Psychological Association, n.d.). People get divorced for a myriad of reasons, including pornography. Researchers discovered that divorce rates double for men and triple for women who begin consuming pornography partway through their marriages (Shultz, 2016).

The researchers analyzed responses from the 2006-2014 General Social Survey. Respondents were asked if they had watched a pornographic movie in the last year. Of the 5,698 people who responded to the survey, 1,681 admitted to watching such a movie. Of that number, 373 viewed a pornographic film for the first time that year.

Those who had watched pornography for the first time were impacted the most. They were much more likely to get divorced. 

Why are people who start watching porn more likely to get divorced? There are many reasons why porn could increase divorce rates (Streep, 2014).

First, researchers have discovered that couples that do not watch porn have stronger relationships and are more faithful. When couples don’t view porn, they are more dedicated to the relationship and are less likely to have negative communication. They are also more sexually satisfied.

When you’re committed and happy in your relationship, you’re less likely to step out. You’re also less likely to end up divorced.

Porn can cause people to live in a fantasy world, which is detrimental to marriages. When you watch porn, you can’t help but think of all the potential partners in the world. It’s hard to remain committed to the person you’re sharing your life with when you can’t get your mind off the other options. That is a recipe for divorce. 

You might think that you’ll only live in a fantasy world if you’re already unhappy in your marriage, but that isn’t true. Even if you’re happy, you’re more likely to find people outside your marriage appealing if you watch porn. In other words, you’re more likely to ruin a perfectly good thing because of the fantasy that comes with watching porn. 

Porn addiction is also time-consuming, and that can take a toll on your marriage and lead to divorce. If you spend all your free time watching porn, your relationship will take a hit. Your partner needs you to dedicate time to him or her. Eventually, you will drift apart. 

The shame of addiction can also tear marriages apart. If you’re addicted to watching porn, you might try to hide it due to the shame. That causes you to sneak around and lie to your significant other. At the same time, you might feel depressed and emotionally unavailable because of shame. This can create a perfect storm, leading to divorce.

These are just some of the ways that porn addiction can destroy a marriage. Fortunately, while addiction can lead to divorce, overcoming your addiction can strengthen your relationship. If you’re still married, you can still fight to save your relationship. 

More Likely to Engage in Dangerous Behaviors 

Porn addiction is bad enough on its own, but more many people, it’s a gateway to extremely dangerous behaviors. For example, people who are addicted to porn are more likely to hire escorts. This can destroy relationships and put people at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. They might even end up in legal trouble if caught paying for sex.

People have taken to the internet to share their stories about their transition from porn addiction to paying for sex, and it’s frightening to see. Many of the people who share these stories are part of the NoFap movement. Often referred to as NoFappers, they realize the dangers of obsessing over porn and masturbation. As part of the NoFap community, participants are focused on freeing themselves from compulsive sexual behaviors, including watching pornography. 

A NoFapper with the username sunni123 started a thread devoted to porn addiction turning into escort addiction  (sunnie123, 2017). He tried to restrict his porn intake but still found ways to consume it. He was getting just enough porn to feed the addiction and became increasingly reckless and hired an escort. He reached out to the NoFap community and realized he was far from alone.

One user says he likely transitioned to escorts because of the fantasy of porn. After watching porn for years, he wanted the same quick and dirty encounter. He paid a high price for it, though, since he was robbed. Hiring escorts is very dangerous, and people never know when it can turn violent. 

The stories go on and on. There are also stories from people who have been on the other side of the addiction. One woman shared her story of realizing her husband was addicted to porn and starting to prowl for escorts (Anonymous, My Husband's Porn Addiction Destroyed Our Marriage, 2015). This story was published in Good Housekeeping, and the author wished to remain anonymous. The names in this story have been changed to protect her and her family’s identities.

Jennifer, her son Jamie, and her husband, Joe, had just returned home from visiting Jennifer’s parents. Jennifer was shocked to receive a phone call from her mother, who stated Joe had been browsing pornographic websites during the trip. Jennifer had never known her husband to look at porn and couldn’t imagine why he would suddenly do so at her parents’ house. She asked him about it, and when he said he didn’t do it, she believed him.

Her parents didn’t, though. They remained steadfast that Joe had looked at porn on their computer, and they weren’t happy about it. She finally decided to check his computer so she could put it to rest. Unfortunately, she discovered that her parents were right. He was addicted to pornography, and it was even worse than that. He had also been emailing escorts. He had an entire secret life that started with porn addiction and then continued to spiral. They ended up getting divorced, as many couples do.

Hiring escorts is just one example of the risky behavior people can engage in when they’re addicted to porn. People also might have unprotected sex or even become sexually violent due to their porn habits. 

Problems at Work

If you’re addicted to porn, it can seep into your work life. Twenty-five percent of adults watch pornography at work, occurring to Nielsen (Conner, 2013). It’s hard to get your job done when you’re watching porn. This is especially true if you’re obsessed with it. What you intend to be a quick viewing can turn into hours of watching video after video.

Watching porn at work can lead to other issues, as well. You could get charged with harassment if another employee sees you watching porn. You could also accidentally put malware on the computer, endangering your company. Of course, getting fired is another serious cause for concern when watching pornography at work. Your employer doesn’t pay you to watch pornography. Getting caught a single time could give your employer enough reason to let you go. 

It’s easy to see how dangerous this is, but when you’re addicted, your brain tells you that it will be fine. You think you need the pornography so badly that you’re willing to put yourself at risk. Then, when you get caught, you’re forced to suffer the consequences. 

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction is generally thought of as a physical issue caused by health problems, like diabetes or cardiovascular disease. However, porn addiction can cause erectile dysfunction in otherwise healthy men (Mundie, 2016). Porn addiction can rewire the brain, so men are only stimulated by pornographic images. Often, these images become more and more extreme, and normal sexual relationships aren’t enough. Some men even say that after watching lots of porn, lying next to a beautiful woman isn’t enough to get them in the mood. They would much rather watch porn than have sex with the woman lying next to them.

Fortunately, this doesn’t have to be a long-term problem. When men stop watching porn, they can get their libido back and reverse the erectile dysfunction. 

Changing Attitudes About Sexual Violence

Porn can change attitudes and beliefs surrounding sexual violence, according to a study published in the journal “Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity” (Foubert, Brosi, & Bannon, 2011). The researchers surveyed male fraternity members, and the results were startling. Those who viewed pornography were more likely to believe in rape myths and consider committing sexual assault or rape. Also, men who viewed pornography were less likely to intervene if they saw a sexual assault or rape take place.

This is because pornography can change the way people think of sex. Often, pornography shows rough and intense forced sex, normalizing these behaviors. 

The amount of violence in pornography is shocking. Researchers conducted a content analysis of 304 scenes from the most popular pornographic films (Ana J. Bridges, 2010). More than 88 percent of the scenes included physical aggression. Most commonly, the aggressive physical behavior was slapping, gagging, and spanking. More than 48 percent of the scenes had some form of verbal aggression. Generally, the verbal aggression consisted of name-calling.

Most often, the men were the aggressors and the women the victims. However, women were rarely portrayed as victims. They typically had a neutral response or showed signs of pleasure. 

This makes it easy to understand how pornography rewires people’s brains regarding sexual assault and rape. If you watch hours upon hours of violent pornography each week, your brain will begin to think that aggression is enjoyable. When your brain starts to view aggression differently, you can put yourself and others at risk. Fortunately, you can reverse these changes through journaling. 

Body Image Problems 

When people watch porn, they can’t help but compare themselves to actors and actresses on the screen. They often think of the men and women in the videos as having the ideal bodies, and if their own don’t stack up, they might become anxious and depressed. Also, they might seek expensive and invasive surgeries to fix what they perceive as problems. They want to be perfect, and they’ll do what it takes to achieve it. 

Experts think this is why more teen girls are undergoing labial and breast augmentation surgery (SIMMONS, 2016). They believe that watching porn causes people’s confidence to take a hit. They think if they don’t fix it the perceived problem, they won’t find a sexual partner.

This problem can become worse when they have a sexual encounter with a guy who has only seen women’s bodies on porn videos. These guys also think that the women performing have the ideal bodies, down to their genitals. If they see genitals that don’t look the same, they might end up rejecting the partner. That, of course, can make the woman’s self-esteem even worse. 

Sadly, women who undergo a labiaplasty to try to become the “ideal” partner face some serious risks. They could lose sexual sensation and have other side effects. In the quest to become the ideal partner, they might make it impossible to enjoy sex. 

Living with Porn Addiction

Now that you know the harm that porn can do, it’s time to look at some real-life stories of people who have suffered from addiction. In the past, people were hesitant to share their stories, but the NoFap movement has changed that. Devotees use NoFap’s forum to interact with each other and share their histories. By opening up, they are giving people insight into living with a porn addiction. 

NoFappers are also using bigger platforms to promote the movement and share their stories. One NoFapper shared his story with the BBC. Because the story is about masturbation and porn, he wished to remain anonymous. Even though he remains anonymous, his story is very powerful (Anonymous, I gave up masturbation for a year, 2018).

He grew up in a world of easy internet access. Porn was always accessible, and his journey began around the age of 14 when he conducted an online search for “lingerie.” As you can imagine, his search returned explicit images, giving him a taste of what the internet had to offer. 

His love of porn progressed, and by the time he was in his late teen years, he was obsessed. He said he couldn’t be alone in his room without ending up watching porn and masturbating. While he was spending lots of time with porn, he wasn’t building real-life relationships. He was a 19-year-old virgin, and his porn addiction was preventing him from having meaningful relationships with real women. While so many people are out on dates and finding their soul mates, he was locked in a room, watching porn. 

He finally decided that he couldn’t live with the negative consequences of his porn addiction any longer and decided to stop. He was 20 years old and wanted to stop forever, but only ended up stopping for a month. Now, though, he’s turned to the NoFap movement, where he’s discovered hundreds of thousands of people just like him. Since he’s gotten his porn addiction under control, he feels clear-headed and confident, and his motivation has increased. He is even able to talk to women now. 

Aaron was also introduced to porn at a young age (Huynh, 2018). He watched his first porn when he was 12, and soon, he was hooked. By the time he started university, porn had become a crutch for him. He was stressed out while trying to keep up at school and ended up distracting himself with porn. He missed deadlines and classes, and at one point, he spent three weeks doing nothing but watching pornography. Over time, his tastes got more and more outside the box. When he started watching bestiality porn, reality sunk in. This wasn’t going to work for him. He couldn’t keep it up and had to make a change.

Porn addiction isn’t just a problem that men face. Women can be addicted to porn, too. Erica Garza is one such woman, and she details her struggle in the book “Getting Off” (Ang, 2018). She started slowly, watching softcore porn, but eventually, she was desensitized to those scenes and needed harder porn to be satisfied. As her tastes got wilder, she started getting wilder in real life too, having unprotected sex and sex with strangers. Her obsession with porn and sex was taking over her life and causing her to make bad decisions. She was caught in a cycle of obsession and shame that took two decades to break.

These are just three of the many men and women who have overcome porn addiction. While each story is different, one thing is clear. Journaling is an excellent way to overcome porn addiction. If you can’t get out from under your addiction, it’s time to start journaling. 

Types of Journals for Porn Addiction

You might be surprised to learn that there are lots of types of journals out there. There’s no right or wrong journal to choose to overcome your porn addiction. You can even use a combination of journaling techniques to help you move past your addiction. Let’s look at some of the most common types of journals for overcoming addiction (Ansorge, 2015).

Many people follow the stream-of-conscious format when writing in a journal. This is a really easy way to begin journaling. You pour everything out that you’re thinking without editing or censoring yourself. You don’t need to use a journal prompt to begin writing. Instead, just sit down and get to writing. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make a lot of sense. You’re basically emptying your brain so you can clear your head.  

You also have the option of writing in a diary journal. If you go this route, you’ll document the day’s events in your journal. Then, you can think about the way the day went and the progress you made.

A gratitude journal is a favorite for people who are in recovery. You will write down the things you’re most thankful for. Doing so will reduce your stress levels, make it easier to incorporate changes, improve your self-esteem and self-discipline, and help you attract more positive things into your life (Chopra Addiction & Wellness Center, 2017). Most importantly, a gratitude journal can help you become more patient (Herbert, 2014). If you develop patience, you’ll be less likely to give in to your addiction for instant gratification. Instead, you’ll understand the benefit of sticking to your recovery plan.  

You can also choose a spiritual journal as part of your recovery process. While this isn’t for everyone, it can help you deal with your addiction if you have a spiritual side (Adi Jaffe, 2018). Writing in a spiritual journal can create a sense of purpose and feel like you have a partner in your journey.

Again, these are just some of your options. Do what feels right to you so you can begin dealing with your porn addiction. 

Journaling in Action

Are you still unsure about journaling? It’s normal to feel uneasy about something you’ve never tried before. However, lots of people have experienced excellent results with journaling, and you can, too. 

Once again, NoFap is a perfect resource for proving this point. The users often talk about the power of journaling and how it’s helped them during their struggles. 

One NoFapper who goes by the screen name upfromhere wasn’t too fond of the idea of journaling at first. He even said he thought it was for “sissies,” only to discover that it works (The importance of journaling, 2014). After looking back at previous journal entries, he realized how much more focused, social, positive, and open-minded he’s become. 

Other NoFappers agree, stating that journaling is a great way to stay on track. This is especially true at the beginning of the journey. You’ll be dealing with lots of emotions then, so you’ll want to turn to your journal for help. 

Journaling Tips During Recovery

Journaling is a personal experience, meaning you can make it your own. You don’t have to follow a specific format when you journal, although you are welcome to do so if you prefer. While it is personal, there are some tips you can follow to get even more out of the process. 

Support Your Goals with Journaling 

When you are trying to overcome an addiction, the word “forever” can be overwhelming. That’s why Alcoholics Anonymous uses the slogan “one day at a time.” By focusing on each day as a new challenge, people are less likely to become overwhelmed.

AA isn’t the only group to break goals up. NoFap urges people to go 90 days without porn or masturbation. After they complete that task, they can assess their lives. Most will notice that their lives have changed for the better in that short time. Then, they can complete another 90 days and so on.

You can use your journaling to support each small goal. Consider joining a journaling challenge for a set time period. Then, you can journal every day for the challenge and reassess. After you reach the end of the challenge, you’ll fee accomplishment and ready to embark on yet another challenge.

Make It a Habit

It might sound odd to try to break a habit by creating a new one, but it’s very effective. Journaling should be a part of your daily routine. Set the routine up in a way that you’ll follow through. That might mean you need to journal in the morning, at lunch, or in the evening. You don’t have to set aside much time. Even journaling for five minutes will allow you to reach your goal. In fact, journaling for a few minutes is much more effective than spending hours on the process. 

Stick to your routine each day until you reach your goal. Then, you might want to create a new routine for your next goal. 

Look for Patterns

Life is full of patterns. That’s especially true when you suffer from an addiction. You’ve likely been following a pattern since your addiction started, but you haven’t realized it. Journaling allows you to step back and take an objective look at your thoughts and feelings. When you do this, you will notice some patterns. For example, you might notice that you want to watch porn every time you feel stressed. Once you realize that stress is a trigger, it will be easier to manage. 

Don’t Write for Someone Else

Some people in addiction recovery share their journal entries. While you might like to share your entries, you’ll limit yourself if you write for other people. Thinking about other people reading your journal when you’re writing it will cause you to subconsciously edit it. You might hold back on expressing something out of fear of embarrassment. Write your journal as if you’re the only person who will read it. After writing it, if you decide you want to share it, you can do so, but only make that decision when you’re done writing. 

Write About Setbacks

Setbacks can occur, even if you have what seems like a foolproof way to stop watching porn. If you have a setback, don’t throw in the towel. Instead, use it as a learning opportunity. Write about the setback in your journal. Then, read the entry back to yourself, looking for insight into what happened. This will help you reduce the likelihood of another relapse, and it will also allow you to transfer the negative feelings from your head to your journal. Once you rid yourself of the negative thoughts associated with the relapse, you’ll feel much stronger and more confident. 

Use Journaling Prompts If You Can’t Get Started

If you’re new to journaling, you might be nervous about writing your first entry. What will you say? How should you begin? Fortunately, you can make this easy by using journaling prompts. Prompts are questions or statements that require a response. 

Some examples include:

• What goals do you have for tomorrow?
• What hopes do you have for your future self?
• Write a letter to your addiction as if it’s a person.

These are just a few examples. You can go with a provided prompt or even create your own. If you want to create your own, think about what you want to explore during recovery. What do you need to get off your chest? That can be a great journal prompt.

Begin Recovery Now

Today is the best time to begin your recovery journey. If you put it off today, it will be that much easier to put it off tomorrow. Soon, the idea of recovery will be a distant memory. However, when you start today, you will begin building recovery capital. As you get more and more time in, you’ll feel stronger and better about yourself.

Begin by writing your first journal entry. Once you write it, you’ll see how easy it can be. Then, repeat the process tomorrow and the day after that, and so on. As the days and weeks add up, you’ll notice that you look forward to journaling. You’ll also notice that it’s helping you discover who you are while giving you the strength you need to overcome this addiction. When you get stronger and more clear-headed, nothing can stop you, not even porn. You will get your addiction under control and then start to form meaningful intimate relationships that bring you joy. 

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The importance of journaling

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