Lust vs. Love — Learning the Difference the Hard Way

💔 Introduction: When I Thought Lust Was Love

I used to throw the word “love” around like it was nothing. “I love her.” “I’m in love.” Truth? Most of the time, it wasn’t love at all—it was lust dressed up in nice clothes. 👀

Our culture mixes them up constantly. Love songs? Mostly lust. TikToks? Lust. Dating apps? Lust. And when you don’t know the difference, you end up broken, addicted, and confused.

I know because I lived it. I thought hookups, late-night texts, and flirty attention meant “love.” But I had to learn the hard way: lust takes, love gives. Lust burns hot and fast, love endures. Lust leaves you empty, love fills you up.

😔 My Story: Chasing Lust, Missing Love

In my early twenties, I thought I was a “ladies’ man.” Every time a girl gave me attention, I felt alive. I’d say the right words, play the part, and when things got physical, I told myself, “This is love.”

But after the moment passed, so did my so-called “love.” 💨

I ghosted girls. I lied to myself. I hurt people. I left a trail of broken hearts behind me, and guess what? I was broken too.

The truth? I wasn’t chasing love—I was feeding my lust. And every time I confused the two, it cost me more than I realized.

⚡ The Wake-Up Call

One relationship in particular shook me. I told her “I love you,” but deep down, I only wanted her body. After we crossed lines, the guilt hit hard. She looked at me like I was her world, and I realized… I had used her.

That moment broke me. I saw how selfish lust really is. 😢

I cried out to God: “Lord, teach me what love actually means. Because I don’t know.”

📖 Scripture That Taught Me the Truth

When I turned to God’s Word, He flipped everything upside down:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV):
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

That’s not lust. That’s not one-night stands. That’s real love.

1 John 4:8 (NIV):
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

If I didn’t know God, I didn’t know love. Period.

Ephesians 5:25 (NIV):
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Love is sacrifice. Love is laying down your life. Lust never sacrifices—it demands.

🚫 Lust vs. ✅ Love (Breaking It Down)

Here’s what God showed me about the difference:

• ❌Lust is selfish. ✅ Love is selfless.
• ❌ Lust wants a body. ✅ Love values a soul.
• ❌ Lust is temporary. ✅ Love is eternal.
• ❌ Lust hides in the dark. ✅ Love thrives in the light.
• ❌ Lust leaves guilt. ✅ Love leaves peace.

⚔️ How I Learned to Pursue Real Love

Breaking free from lust and learning real love took steps:

🙏 1. Surrender My Definition to God

I stopped letting movies, music, and culture define love for me. I let God’s Word set the standard.

🧹 2. Clean Out My Relationships

I had to let go of toxic flings. No more using women for validation. No more late-night hookups. If it wasn’t God-honoring, it had to go.

👬 3. Surround Myself with Men Who Value Purity

Iron sharpens iron. I found brothers who challenged me to live differently—not like the world, but like Christ.

💡 4. Learn to Wait

Love is patient. That means waiting for the right time, the right person, the right covenant. Waiting isn’t weakness—it’s strength.

❤️ 5. Look at Women Through God’s Eyes

Every woman I meet is someone’s daughter, God’s daughter. Not an object. Not a notch. A person created in His image.

🌅 What Freedom Feels Like

Now that I’ve experienced the difference, it feels like I can finally breathe. 😮‍💨

• I don’t wake up empty anymore.
• I don’t have to juggle lies or ghost people.
• I have peace in my heart instead of shame.

Real love doesn’t drain you—it builds you. It makes you stronger. It draws you closer to God.

💡 Encouragement for You

If you’re stuck in the cycle of lust, I want you to know this: you’re not too far gone.

👉 Lust doesn’t have to define you.
👉 You don’t have to keep breaking hearts and breaking yourself.
👉 You can learn what real love is, because God is love—and He wants to teach you.

🎯 Challenge for Today

1. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 out loud today and ask: “Does my definition of love match this?”
2. Cut off one source of lust in your life right now (app, account, toxic relationship).
3. Write down one way you can practice selfless love this week.

🙏 Final Prayer

“Father, forgive me for confusing lust with love. Teach me what real love looks like—the kind of love that is patient, kind, and selfless. Help me see people as You see them, not as objects for my desire. Give me the strength to walk away from lust and the wisdom to pursue real love. Thank You that in Christ, I am a new creation. In Jesus’ name, amen.”